Christmas...

Christmas is just a few days away, realizing the end of the year is so near caused me to reflect on how close I have felt the Spirit of the Lord or the Holy Ghost, or Angles working in my be half this whole year.
Yes I have had an extremely hard time, but I was lifted up spiritually all the way. I have had such a closeness with the spiritual side all year, that I want to feel that way all the time in my life. I know life does not end here on earth, It goes on, We are just away at collage, learning, and choosing the Lords teachings So we can become as he is.
I don't know how I can keep this deep closeness with the Lord, by myself. I have had many Priesthood blessings, and my name put on the Prayer rolls in the Temple. Folks in my ward, and family prayed for me. I have felt all that, and I have been reading about Jesus life through the scriptures. I have never felt such a closeness, and love. I don't want the feeling to ever go away.

Christmas....A time to celebrate the birth of a baby boy.... Gods own son.
Christmas is a time we should take in our own way to show how happy we are for His life. To be connected in some way in the celebration of this historic event.
There is not a greater reason to be happy, for he gave us our lives.

The small things we can do, follows His example, and teachings. One time out of the whole year, people stop and celebrate Christmas. They may not remember why, but we do....That's why Christmas makes us feel so good inside.

If you don't know who Jesus really is, then study about him and his life, and Pray...

Bishop Grua's New Calling....

I asked for a Priesthood Blessing today, because my skin where I had received radiation, needed some help healing, and I received two...
Lynn invited Bishop Grua, Bro. Rilley and his son, to come over to give me a blessing.

As I walked into the front room where Lynn and Bishop Grua were, Lynn said he wanted to introduce me to our new Patriarch. What a wonder feeling, and a Wonderful calling for a person who, I know lives so close to the Lord. To be in his presence as he prays is such a spiritual treat. Bishop Grua had such a warm glow all around him. I am so happy for both Bishop Grua and Marilyn, this new calling will be a great blessing for them, in their lives, and for their family.

Bro. Rilley, Our Home Teacher, gave me the most wonderful Priesthood Blessing, in helping my body heal. I need a extra boast for help.

I also noticed the special spiritual feeling, that had been my constant companion, had returned during this special time.

Done...Whats Next?....

My Radiation therapy ended today. I am cooked! My skin at my neck seems to be the worse, It is turning purple in color. It burns and itches badly, and the skin wants to come off. I am keeping it medicated as instructed. Its surprising how invisible rays can cause this much damage, and it was under control. They have been using a Bollis pack on me every other day during radiation. A Bollis is a gel pack. About fifteen inches in length, and about twelve inches wide, filled with thick, unmovable gel, about half inch thick.

Mark explained that the Bollis is used during radiation to cause the radiation to come to the surface, or just under the skin where they need it to be. He also said that I was the first person at this hospital, to go through all the Bollis treatments. Most folks skin is so sensitive that they complete only half of the Bollis therapy.

Well... I am done with this stage of therapy,.....So...Whats Next????....

.........................................

Mark has a book that his father had given him, that his Grandfather had written. It was about the life of his Great Grandfather, who was a pioneer with the hand cart company.

While being displayed the book fell and was damaged. Mark had a interest as I spoke of Pauli making Books, The old fashioned sewing by hand method. Mark will contact Pauli and see if she or her instructor can help repair his book.

People from other states...

While waiting for my radiation therapy this week, I struck up a conversation with a Lady from Nevada. She had driven to SLC with a friend who was having radiation treatments. I was surprised they had come so far. I learned that they had come several other weeks, at different times for treatment.

I mentioned my surprise to Mark, who does my radiation treatments, he and the nurse told me that people come from many states, because this is the closes hospital, that has this high teck treatments, they need. Because people come from far away, alot of the hotels reduce the cost, almost half, for them to stay, while going to the hospital.

Again I feel so blessed, to be living here, where I only have to drive about a hour, into SLC. To have all the best doctors, and the best treatment, to save my life.... Amazing that all this has come into my life.... I have only one week left of Radiation.

I wonder why my life has been spared, And what Heavenly Father needs me to do....

Radiation, end in sight...

I have a week and half left, of Radiation therapy. My skin feels like I have been sunburned, and blistered. I don't like anything touching my skin, it hurts. I wonder what I will feel like by the time I finish. The Radiation machine shoots me in the back, and I can not reach that spot to put anything on it.

I think the hardest thing about all of this, is the feeling of being alone. Even with Lynn in the house, he is mostly down stairs, in his office. The only one who seems to care is Pauli. It feels good to hear a human voice, that is not on TV.

Falling Leaves of Fall...

Sitting at a conference table looking out one of many windows, from the ceiling, to about two feet from the floor. Each were divided by small panes, of four across, all the way down to the bottom of the glass. The building was surrounded by lots of trees turning into fall colors. Most of them were in shades of green, turning bright yellow colors. I was surprised to see a few of the maple leaves having some green, mostly yellow, and some red touches here and there. They were so beautiful....

For most of the time we were there, the wind blew the leaves across the windows. It reminded me of falling snow, but these were beautiful bright falling leaves. On the other side of the parking lot, a tree with its beautiful red leafs, added to the wonderful feeling of fall. When we left for home, I gathered a small handful of colored leafs to enjoy.

Every where you look, the mountains are arraide in hugues of fall colors.
I have enjoyed the fall season, more this year than any other, since moving back to Utah....

Austin Maughan....

Last Sunday, Oct. 16, 2011. Austin Ryder Maughan was blessed, and given his name, by his Dad, Mike, in Surprise Arizona. He was born March 29, 2011, in Sandy Utah.
His family moved to Surprise Arizona shortly after his birth.

Austin is the son of Jennifer and Mike Maughan.
He is our eleventh grandchild.

Radiation...

I started having Radiation the Monday after Jodie's and Will's Wedding, Oct. 10th. I am in my second week, and have three and a half weeks to go. Five days a week, and for five weeks, I drive into SLC, to the Hospital at 5300 State Street. There is a Cancer Center there. My doctor, Dr Sause, is the head doctor over the radiation department.

I am feeling a little depressed after treatment, sometimes, even tearfully. I think its from radiation. I am also more tired by night time.

The machine is a little scary....Just right for the month of Halloween.
It takes x-rays, as well as doing radiation. Its controlled by computer, and can rotate around the table, and stops anywhere, being able to shoot you in the back. It also has panels that can come out and hover over you, as it takes x-rays. Mine has side wings, panels, which makes it look more scary. You are alone in the room with this machine, and its big eye, is about ten inches from your nose.
The door and walls of the room, are six inches thick. The door closes leaving you alone with the machine, staring you in the face. It is called Linear Accelerator.


I would not be surprised if I start Glowing for Halloween.... :)

Jodie and Will's Wedding...10-8-2011...

Today I witnessed answers to many of my prayers to Father in Heaven, as I watched my daughter, Jodie, Wearing her Temple clothing, kneel at the alter in the Salt Lake Temple, holding hands with the one she loved, being sealed for this time, and all eternity, by the power of the Holy Priesthood. One of the greatest joys, a Mother can have, is to be in the Temple with her children.

Both Lynn and Will's father were asked to be the witnesses. That left a empty chair beside me. I saw Danny, Will's Aunt, and motioned for her to come and sit by me. Danny is very friendly, has never been married, and does not have any children of her own. She expressed appreciation of being able to experience this part of a sealing from a family side. After the Marriage, Danny helped me dress, and lace Jodie's wedding dress in back, for her pictures on the Temple grounds.

Of those in attendance that I knew, were Cory and Marilyn Grua, (Our former Bishop), Paulette and James Inman, Breanne Jensen Ballard.

Most all the chairs on the right side of the room were filled with the Jolley,s family. The other side of the room was mostly filled by friends and Jodie's family.

Launie and Amber, Ivie waited outside to greet Jodie and Will....

Jodie and Will's Wedding Reception...10-7-2011...

This week has been so Awesome...Jodie and Will's Wedding Reception was held at Will's church, instead of outside at his home, because it was raining and had snowed on the mountains the night before, the weather was very cold.

The Jolley's had created a beautiful, elegant, atmosphere in the cultural hall at church. They seemed to have everything catered, including food and a chocolate fountain, beautiful wooden chairs, five candelabras, which hung with curtains and draperies. White strings of small lights were strung across the room above our heads, helping to light the room with a soft light. The table settings were created by Jodie, and were stunning. On each of the seven round tables were large center piece vases, with fall colored flowers, surrounded with assorted crystal candle holders, with battery type candles in them. About ten poster size photographs, of the couple Bridals, were displayed. Beautiful, tall, crystal goblets with candles twinkled on the gift table as you entered the room. Pauli made a beautiful Wedding Book, for the guest to sign, at the guest table.

Pauli and I worked on the Wedding cake at Will's home, for two days. It was very nice by the time we finished the eleven to twelve cakes. I give the credit to Pauli for finishing most of the cakes, as my energy ran out. Danny, Will's Aunt, gave a beautiful large, hand blown glass Salt lake Temple, which was displayed with a light under the main Wedding cake.

Jodie's colors were in the Fall colors. Pauli was asked to be Jodie's Maid of honor, and wore a beautiful chocolate colored formal which looked very nice on her. Amber and Ivie, Launie's daughters, were asked to be bridesmaids. Two of Will's sisters were asked to be bridesmaids, but did not stand in the greeting line, even though they were in formals. Also four of Will's brothers were asked, and were in tucks, but did not stand in the line. But were there for the family pictures.

Lynn told me we had spent around a thousand on Jodie's wedding, and it was nothing compared to what the Jolley's must have spent. It was very beautiful and more than what we could have ever done.

(As Beautiful as the evening was... there seemed to be something missing....)

19 Wedding Cakes and Counting...

On the 19th of this month, Lisa and Troy, Lynn's brother allowed Lynn and myself to invade their kitchen at their home in Lindon Utah. We used their two ovens to bake 20 cakes. One cake crashed, so we had 19 done, and 4 left to bake by the end of the day.

Lisa had a 'Jenn-air' oven on top, which I fell in love with. The element would heat the oven up to the temperature, then a fan would come on and circulate the air around inside. It didn't matter how big the cake was, from 14" to 6" the cakes would all come out even. That was so nice...If I were younger and doing all the baking I use to do, I would ask to have a Jenn-air oven. It cost more, but it would be so worth it...

Again!....

My Port has been a little painful, and has developed redness on top of the skin. I was put on a antibiotic last Saturday. Today I was able to see my surgeon, Dr. Strinberg, who felt that my Port was infected, and since my Chemo had finished, we should remove the Port.

So its Surgery, TOMORROW......Again....

Believe it or not, its another Blessing.....I will be able to finish Jodie's and Will's Wedding Cake afterwards. (in about a week)....


UPDATE:
Nov. 3, 2011, I had a Dr. Appointment with Dr. Strindberg today. She told me that my port was not infected when she removed it. She said there was a sleeve on the port, that had cracked and caused a small leak. Dr. Strindberg reported it to the company that makes the Ports, but has not heard back from them yet.

Six Tattoos...Your Kidding....

Yesterday Lynn and I spent the day in SLC. Most of it was with Doctors. I met with two of my Doctors, both said I was finished with Chemo. I don't think I believed it inside until I heard them express it, then it became a reality for me.

Met with my Radiologist for the first time, Dr. William Sause. We set up a schedule for my radiation treatments. Two great things, I only have to go for five weeks, five days a week, instead of six. And He will let me start the Monday after Jodie's and Well's Wedding. He would have preferred I started a week earlier, but said I could wait until the tenth of Oct to be safe, but no longer.......That's what you call another Blessing being granted, working out timing.....We did all the stuff that was necessary for me to get started, Paper work, CAT scan, Warpaint, and Tattoos. I am serious!

After Dr. Sause and his Assistants marked me with their red and black markers, from my shoulder, to waist on the left side and even one on the right side at the waist. You would think I was ready for War! After the CAT scan, a machine that takes photos of you, like being sliced up in little pieces and put back together. (Its so they can see how to use the radiation, where its needed.) They came in and gave me six Tattoos!
They placed the ink, then stuck me with a needle, so the ink could go under the skin. Some of them hurt. I don't know how people get body Tattoos, I couldn't handle that much pain. These six tattoos will tell the radiation machine, where the areas are to shoot for.

I am physically ready for the radiation when its time. As I left the building, I realized that I had red and black war paint in the middle of my upper chest, where my blouse does not cover. There are so many people today that have body tattoos all over them, that I must fit right in. No matter what I did I could not cover it up.

After the Dr. Office, Lynn and I went to Pauli,s house, Michale's, a store to get more wedding supplies, The Olive Garden, for salad. I was starving. Penny's, to get white shirt and tie for Lynn, Looked at their suits they had on sale. Came home exhausted about 8:30 pm. Fed the Birds, ate a Dream sickle, a orange and ice cream bar, and went to bed.

Update:
Oct 17th. I found out from the nurse that my tattoos are called "Dragon Tattoos", That should make Pauli happy, as she loves Dragons....

4th Chemo...

Today was my 4th Chemo...Hopefully this was my last Chemo. I was surprised by the folks there who have been such great help for me. They have such a kindly spirit about them, knowing that most of us who come through their doors, were scared not knowing what was going to happen to us. They tried hard to make warm fuzzies for us, while we were there. Diane, Shelly, Holly, and Rick.. And of course the Dr. who was on call at the time.

Today they all made it special for me, this was the end of the Chemo, I had made it this far. When it was time to come home, they all reminded me to ring the golden bell hanging in the hall, signalling I had made it through. They also gave me a bottle of Martinelli,s Sparkling Apple Cider to take home and celebrate with.

I have 2 weeks to work through yet, I sure appreciate those folks, who helped me so much while going through this, even tho this was their jobs, they were very caring of each of us, and knew the feelings that were deep inside with fear.

I am also Grateful for the great help that the Ward members have done, to go out of their way to help us in our time of need, Both Myself, and Lynn.

I would also like to express my Appreciation for the Love and concern that my daughter and her husband have given us, going out of their way to help and keep in contact each day. And with extra help around the house, and with the birds, and yard work. It really gives you a feeling of Love. Thanks Pauli and James.

Choose a Straw...

What a crazy Month this has been, but next month will be more so...Sometimes I feel it would be better to draw a straw from a hat, and see what we should do first.

. Monday 29th, is 4th Chemo.... with a shot the following day.
. Blood draw following week, in SLC.
. Church calling to be done end of the month.
. I will be starting radiation, for 6 weeks, 5 days a week in SLC. after a short break.
. I don't know what will happen with Lynn's health. We should get the results of two more test back.
. He needs to make a trip to Ariz. to see Jennifer and Br.Maughan.
. The Walker Court cases will be going on.
. I will be making Jodie's Wedding Cakes, somewhere, sometime.
. Mailing out, or hand deliver our part of the Wedding announcements.
. Helping Pauli with the Bridal shower for Jodie.
. Lynn needs a new suit. But he has lost three pants sizes, recently. Picking a size for him will be hard to do.


Straw....Any one...

3rd Chemo...

Yesterday I had my 3rd Chemo treatment. Dr. Chandramouli always ask how the last Chemo period of time went?. All I could say was some of the side effects, such as weakness, pain, ect. was not worse but "lingered longer". ( a phrase someone from our ward used to described, staying after church, for refreshments, and getting to know each other better, as we were a fairly new ward. ) I don't think the Dr. had heard that phrase used quite like that before, and found it interesting.
I get another shot at the Hospital today, always one the next day after Chemo. Trying to keep the calcium up in my body.

This round gave me two, whole, real tuff days, where the mussels in my digestive system were on spasms. It was like I was filling up with gas, and then trying to squeeze everything out when there was nothing there. (I couldn't eat.) Dr. said it was spasms and was common to chemo. My mussels, and track were so sore that even a sneeze or cough was terribly painful. I now have a prescription for the next round, in case it happens again. Which Dr. thinks it will.

We found information concerning Lynn at this time too. We will not know complete details for two more weeks. When the last two genetic tests, from the bone marrow biopsy was done. Right now, its just a guess from the facts so far, but the Dr. said these two test could change the out come completely. So we wait...

Engagement...

Aug 2, 2011

Will gave Jodie her Engagement Ring, in the Celestral Room, in the Salt Lake Temple.

Oct. 8, 2011...

Sunday Will Jolley and Jodie spent the afternoon with us. Will asked for our approval of their plans for Marriage in October. They have scheduled an appointment in the Salt Lake Temple, On October 8,2011, at 3:00 pm.

It will be nice to have Will as part of our family.
There first date was to the Manti Temple.

Will promised Lynn and I that They would marry in the Temple.
That he would never physically hurt Jodie.
That he love Jodie with all his heart.

My Poor Birds...

At this time I have four birds living with us. Two green-cheeks conyars, Baby and Jimmy. Two Jenday Conyars, Jenny, and Harmonie. Also staying with us for a few months is Jodie's Macaw, Tiki.

Tonight as I needed to feed the birds before they went to bed, I decided not to wear the hat that was on my head, as bird are mostly scared of hats, or brims that extend out from hats. It might be a change in the look they see when your mostly in the house with them. So I took it off, I had nothing to put on that was around me, and figured that I would only be a few minutes without it. (Big Mistake)

I walked in the room and started to talk to them and getting ready to get their dished to be filled with seed. They were scared of me, I was a stranger they had not seen before. Harmonie immediately went into defence mode, feathers up, and screaming at me, ready to protect her cage. (I raised her from almost hatching.) The other three were very leery of me, and Tiki, the Macaw went to the other side of his cage, as far away from me as he could get.

I did get my hat back on, and did get them fed, How ever they would not forgive me.
I had to ask Lynn to put them to bed.

I guess a HAT is better than No Hair....Bird Approved...

Another Blessing...

There are Surprises that pop up once in a while, and this was one of them. On top of all that has happens, Our six year old Refrigerator quit. It would cost more to fix it than to buy a new one. Our money is tight for the rest of the year, and it seems that more is expected from us. Lynn and My health situation, the Walkers expensive, Sharlyn's, Our Granddaughter, Wedding in November, and now this...

I was at this point of time, sick in bed, and having a fogy head, because of Chemo. Lynn was trying to figure out what to do to replace it with in our means, or just to get by with until we could afford another regular Refrig. He went to three stores in Tooele, to see what he could find. He looked on the Web for second hand ones. Even Our Amazing Ward wanted to help and had one we could barrow, with helpers to move it in.

In my foggy head, I jumped all over Lynn, For me he was moving faster than I could think. He was trying so hard to solve the problem. I was of no help for him. All I could see was we would barrow a Refrigerator from a friend and it would quit too, and then we would have to buy two Refrigerators. Or I also saw in my mind, a make do, that would rain inside all the time...I had one once. That was over a Friday and Saturday. By Monday I was starting to feel better, weak, but not in bed. Lynn wanted me to go see some at the stores that he had seen.

It was the 24th of July weekend, Utah's, Pioneer Holiday, and some of the stores were running sales, they were to end that night. We went into Home Depot to see the ones Lynn had seen. He had picked out some that were similar to what we had. I suggested that we might consider a freezer on the bottom, instead of the top, as we were getting older and it is getting harder to bend over. We were looking at some of those, and focused on two. A young couple was discussing one that was next to the one we were looking at. The young man said to Lynn, thinking Lynn was his wife, as she had been standing there, "This one is cheaper!" As we studied it out, it was. It also was extremely well designed inside. We both agreed this was the one we liked. The store had a policy of pay it off in six months, there would be no interest. That would work great for us, we just needed to get to January and we could pay it off.

So to make a long story, short, with smiles.....It will be delivered next Saturday. They will install it and a new water line for the ice cube maker...

I can't believe we are getting a new Refrigerator, close to something we could afford. And it comes with all the bells and whistles...

No Hair...

I look into the mirror today, and see a new insight to myself. The Picture is not of me, as I see me. But this strange teaching of what we should look like has given me new insight, in many ways. Both Physical, and Spiritual.

I look for things that bring me happiness and new adventure. Such as new hats, head scarfs and wigs, trying out new makeup that doesn't fade away or be absorbed by the skin. Trying to find earrings that go with the head pieces as they add a little dressiness to the head pieces and focus away from the hair loss. Flowers on hats help and a dressy scarf around the neck, to cover up what is not there. This is helping me to stay positive.

Eyebrows are still on right now, but I will have to learn how to draw them on when the time comes. One of the web sights for makeup, has the wet and press on tattoo eyebrows. (like the kids and their little tattoos that they put on their arms.) I have been getting some teasing about getting them on straight, on both sides of my face. Lots of new learning, even at my age.

Pauli came and stayed the week, to look after me. What a great help, to feel that I was not alone, ment a lot.

My Gratitude to the Lord for His blessings and insight to myself. I could not do this without his help. Knowing he is fully aware of me, brings great comfort. I have been blessed beyond measure because of Him...

Hair...

7-15-2011
My scalp has been real sore yesterday and today. Like something being brushed the wrong direction. Today I had two large handfuls of hair come out. I was hoping to get past my next Chemo on Monday before loosing my hair. I guess we shall see what happens by that time.....

Judy, Lynn's Sister, had her second Chemo today...


7-17-2011
Today is Verl's Birthday. He is 76. My best Brother and friend all my life He has looked after me. Happy Birthday Verl.

It is Sunday and I washed my hair this morning. Two huge hands full of hair has come out. I am getting thin on top...


7-18-2011
4 handful of hair, plus some more, came out this morning. Hair all over my shoulders, going down my back. All over my pillow and sink, bathroom floor and bathtub. I felt miserable . You could see lots of scalp. Reminded me of some men who would comb their hair over the bald top, to look as if they still had hair. I reached for the scissors and cut the remaining few hairs off. Now I have no hair... At least it wont be going down my back any more....

Had Second Chemo treatment today. Have to go get my shot at the Hospital tomorrow...


7-19-2011
I am feeling the onset of some of the symptoms of the Chemo this morning. It seems like its coming on faster than before. Perhaps my body recognizes the chemicals being used. The Dr. had mentioned that it was the same amount of chemical each time. I would probably be feeling about the same as before. That may be why some folks feel that they are getting a stronger dose of Chemical, when they may be just recognizing it faster.
When I get past this week, I will be at the half way point for the Chemo.... :)

Side Effect...

It has started, not looking forward to the end results. I found more hair showing up in my hair brush today.... I guess it comes with the experience. One good thing I have noticed, is that Miskitos are not biting me this year. Maybe they don't like the taste of Chemo, or maybe their afraid they might die from Chemo.... :)

I have ordered some hats and scarfs, and a wig. Sister Grua helped with my wig. Its not bad looking! It looks like I had my hair frosted, nice. Need to wear it two to three times a week to get use to it. It is not easy wearing a wig all day long without getting use to it. Your head feels weird and tired by the end of the day.
Sister Rilley came over and helped me pick out eyebrow pencils, and some stay on lipstick. We will see how that works out. I would rather be prepared for what is coming, then to wait until it all happens, and not have what I might need...

Second Chemo coming up next Monday...

Jodie's Tiki Bird has come to stay for a few months...

Treat...

I had a Dr. Apt Wednesday, in SLC at the Utah Cancer Center, where the RN Dave drew blood, to check my blood counts after the first Chemo.

Spent a little time with Pauli, and left for home. Lynn treated me out to a Arbys. I didn't think I could eat anything. I think Lynn was hungry. I ordered a small vanilla shake, hoping for frys, but the curly frys had their own seasoning on them, and my through and mouth burns at almost anything.

I went and sat down as I am still weak. Lynn brought my shake and some frys. I tasted the shake and it was so good. The coolness of the ice cream cooled my whole mouth and the back of my throat. Wow....that felt soooo good. I munched lightly on the french fries. Lynn bought me a Baby Roast Beef sandwich with nothing on it. I had forgotten how good food can taste.

Trial...

Well this is a learning experience for me. I know the whisperings of the spirit tells me that I will be ok, and I trust in him. Getting through the process is another matter, and I have found it to be hard.

However there are blessings that have come this way. Not nessiarily because of my health, but of the Walker's problems, and Judy's health too.

Lynn, who is the oldest in his family, and Troy, who is the youngest, ( born while Lynn was on his Mission.) have developed a strong friendship, bond, of trust and honesty. They can depend on on each other and know that things said will not go anywhere.

They both look after their Sister, Judy, who can be a spit firing cannon, when she wants to be. She is also facing Chemo for lung cancer now.

It has been a week since I received my first Chemo. This week was like getting the worst case of the FLUE, you ever had. Every bone, and mussel hurts. No energy, no balance, cant think. Just vegetate and hope to get through it all. Sores in the mouth and throat, even my teeth hurt. Sharp pain in my head, ears and eyeballs. Sweating most all the time.
I am hoping this will last only this week, and I will be able to prepair for the next time.

I am surprised how many prayers are being offered in my behalf. I deeply appreciate the prayers, For I Know how Strong Prayers Are, and they ascend to the Maker Himself...

Nothing like Family...

I had a wonderful day yesterday, Sunday. James and Pauli, Jodie and Will came spent most of the day. James and Lynn BBQ Chicken and Corn on the cobs. James made one his famous potatoes. We had Watermelon, Cantaloupe, Honey Due, and olives. Will made chocolate dipped Strawberries, and we had for desert Strawberry Short cakes.

James, Lynn, Pauli, Will picked a huge bowl of Strawberries from our garden. They were sooooo sweet. and perfect for desert.

James is so good to come and fix dinner for us, and on top of that he cleaned the whole huge bowl of strawberries. He is so willing to help others, and mostly without being asked. He just sees what needs to be done and does it. James works full time, and goes to school at night. what free time he has is very little, and yet he helps others without hesitation...

First Chemo...

Today seemed scary. I guess anytime you tread into unknown waters, can be very scary.
I had an appointment at the Utah Cancer Center in Tooele, Where I received my first Chemo treatment. It took about 2 1/2 hours to get all the chemicals in the IV. and another half hour visit with the Dr. My nurses were Brook and Shelly, the lady at front desk is Daine, and the guy who takes your vitals, was Rick. I am trying to remember their names. When I am under stress like this, I don't remember very long.
It seems that I have a stack of medicines to take at home to help with the complications of the Chemo. I also have to go to the Hospital tomorrow, the day after having Chemo, and receive a strong shot that helps with the calcium loss in your body. (I understand it can hurt.)
Next Wednesday, I have to drive into Salt Lake, to see the Dr. and check my blood to see how I reacted to my first Chemo.

I am feeling pretty good at the moment. I guess we will see how things go. Chemo destroys the fast building cell in the body. Because Cancer is a fast building Cell.
So are the white blood cells, that fight infections, and sickness. Also the cells in your mouth and stomic, digestion tracks are also fast building cells. And can cause problems. We just have to work with them, and get through it. Fortunately I have only 3 more to go.Sister Mari Trapp, and her daughter, brought a large dish of fresh fruit to me while I was sitting in the chair. I was so pleased to see her, and appreciated her kindness. Mari also went through this last year...

Ducks?...

I thought I had seen ducks before, but I had to laugh at this. The water run off from the rain and snow has been high this year. Every day on the news they show many areas of flooding. Yesterday the sun was out for a while, and the TV cameras focused on families enjoying being out in the sun at a park, with a lake or large pond. Ducks lined up to catch the bread a child was throwing in the water. As a family we had fed the ducks many times, our kids really enjoyed doing it. How ever these ducks were really clean looking! I looked again and saw that they were not ducks, but Seagulls. Beautiful Seagulls, tame enough to delight the children.

May and June...

More, Cancer...

This Post will continue to grow as I will continue to write on it.

May 27, 2011
Judy, Lynn's sister, is having surgery today. At St. Mark Hospital, in Sandy Utah. Her Dr. found a spot on her lung. It was cancer, they removed about a quarter, top part of her lung.

May 29, 2011
Today Jennifer and Mike and their kids are moving from Utah to Arizona. I will miss them greatly. Mike will be working for his brother again, in the swimming pool business.Jennifer, hopefully will be working as a Math Teacher, in a fairly new High School.

May 31, 2011
My second surgery. 12 More lymph nodes removed on the left side, and a port put in on the right side.......HURTS, HURTS, HURTS, HURTS. My whole chest seems to be on fire.
My left arm has a nerve that runs down on the inside, that often fires sharp hot feelings, then makes me feel that my elbow was wet, like if I had leaned into a wet puddle of water, I have caught myself trying to wipe the water off... weird feeling.

June 3, 2011
Lynn, Pauli and I met with my Oncologist, Dr. Chandramouli, and learned about my cancer situation. After thinking about it, As scary as it has been, and what I have yet to go through, I can see this has been a great blessing, because we caught it at a time where it is curable. My cancer tumor was a stage 2b. the ductile tumor was large and considered fast growing like breast tissue. There was no more cancer found in the 12 lymph nodes that were taken out on May 31st. That means the cancer had started to move into the lymph nodes, and hopefully, not past the first one.
I will have to have chemo for about 4 months, then after 4 weeks rest, I will have to have 6 weeks of radiation, 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Then on some pill for five years.
To be free of cancer would make a wonderful Christmas gift.

June 6, 2011
Pauli's beautiful Cross String Harp, "Exploded" today. Pauli stated "My Harp literally just exploded. the entire face-wood (which holds the strings on) just broke off and shattered the sides walls of the harp.".. Needless to say, we all feel sick.

June 7, 2011
Even though the Harp Comp. was closed today, The lady emailed Pauli to let her know that "their harps" that they make, are life time guaranteed. They will repair, or replace the harp. Pauli said the person who made the harp is still there. This is a family owned Company. We now have to come up with enough money to send the harp back to the Comp. in Ill. The cost is over $320.

What a strange year this has been.

April 2011...Cancer...

This has been a very jam packed, fast moving month and a half. So much has happened during this time. I will try to remember all that I can to tell you, and perhaps the dates may be off a day or two. As I said so much was going on at this time, besides the unbelievable mess of the Walker family, Lynn loosing weight, looking only of skin and bone, and feeling sick. I think every thing is catching up with him. and now he has me to worry about on top of it all.

March 8, 2011
Baby Bird: Reg. visit with Vet. for yearly shot 1st, of 2.

March 9, 2011
Me: Apt. with Dr. Douglas, talked about right knee replacement to be scheduled, soon for this year. He also laughed when he heard the squeak in my left hip. And said he was surprised, would report that he had really heard the squeaking of this new material replacements.

March 14, 2011
After taking a shower, I noticed a red like rash on my left breast. I thought perhaps it might be from the material from the new bras that I had just bought.It didn't dawn on me that I wear garments to.

March 15, 2011
Rash still there, also noticed that the nipple seemed more flattened or sunken in a little. I need to get this checked out.
My Gynecologist had moved out of state, but I had seen one other, years ago. I called her, and found out that she just had a kidney transplant and was not in the office. How ever her partner Dr. Eldad Vered, was, and after explaining what I was seeing they worked me into his busy schedule.

March 16, 2011
Met with Dr. Eldad Vered. He was very kind to me. He ordered a diagnostic mammogram, and a ultra sound. He also scheduled an appointment with Dr. Gail Strindberg who is a Surgeon, and happened to have had a mastectomy herself last year.

I have had cyst, or lumps, that come, get real sore for a couple of weeks then go away. I have had them checked out and was told that they were nothing to worry about. That some women get them. The one I had this time, didn't go away, and developed a rash.

March 22, 2011
Diagnostic Mammogram, and ultra sound done in the Hospital in Tooele.
They said I needed to have a Ultra sound biopsy.

Renewed Driver licence

March 23, 2011
Had the Ultrasound Biopsy. They removed 7 to 8 samples for testing.

March 24, 2011
Appointment with Dr. Gail Strindberg, Surgeon. I really like her. And she tells it, as it is. She also took a skin biopsy where the rash was.

Jodie moves into her new apartment in South Provo. (Bad area, Bad apartment for a single, good looking girl.)

March 27, 2011
Pauli and James announced they are expecting. I am so happy for them.

Jenny Bird very sick. We took her into emergency care, over by Pauli's and James house. too many needles for such a little bird. She started pulling feathers to show her feelings about the treatment at the vets.

March 28, 2011
Jenny Bird in Hospital with her own Vet. Dr.Dana Clark, at the Lakeview Animal Hospital in Bountiful, Utah.
Baby Bird received her 2nd shot for the year.

March 29, 2011
5:06 AM, Austin Ryder Maughan, born to Jennifer and Mike Maughan. 9 lb. 8oz. In Sandy, Utah. Austin is number 12th grandchild. He is so cute.

March 30, 2011
Pauli tells me she is having heavy cramping. (She does have a miscarriage)

April 1, 2011
MRI for Breast Cancer at the St. Marks Hospital in Sandy, Utah.

Dad died 28 years ago on this day.

April 2,3, 2011
General Conference

April 6, 2011
In the evening, I received a call from Dr. Strindberg. giving a glimmer of hope. The report from the MRI says the tumor seems to be contained and the lymph nodes may not be involved. She had not received the report on the Ultrasound Biopsy yet, but the skin biopsy came back clear. Her office will call tomorrow and schedule an appointment for me next week.

April 10, 2011
Pauli and James, Jodie and Will, Jen and Mike and the kids and the new baby boy, Surprised us for our Birthdays (which is this next week.) James fixed dinner, Jodie bought a Birthday cake. It was great just being with my family. I got to hold the new baby Austin. He is so beautiful.

Before they left for home I told them about me and what I was going through. It was starting to get out, and I wanted them to hear from us before they heard from someone elts.

James, Will and Lynn gave me a priesthood blessing.

April 11, 2011
Lynn's Birthday he is 68.

Temple Recommend renewed at Bishop Grua's home.

April 12, 2011
My Birthday, I am 67

April 13, 2011
Our House Birthday. We moved into this house 6 years ago, It has been a great blessing for us to be here. In Utah, In Grantsville, In this house, In this ward, and with the greatest neighbors, and friends.

April 14, 2011
Appointment with Dr. Strindberg. We talked about Surgery, Mastectomy. It is cancer, but seems to be contained. Dr. Strindberg told me how the surgery would be done. also about the radiation injections to see which of the limp nodes would be involved, with the drainage from that area, before the surgery was done.
we are looking at the 29th of April. The Hospital will call me.
Blood was taken for a BRCA test. Checking for a cancer gene that might run in a family line. Update: We have NO cancer gene in our family.

April 18, 2011
Lynn and I were asked to help clean the Salt Lake Temple, from 1:00 to 5:00 pm.
We were with Bro. and Sis. Mathew, and Bishop and Sis. Grua. Bishop Grua treated us to dinner at Crowns. It was so good. The shakes you had to eat with a spoon, and one of the best fish sandwich I have ever eaten.

April 19, 20, 21, 2011
We borrowed the Stakes Dry Packing Canner and did all of our dry packing.

April 23, 2011
Pauli and James spent the night. We made bunny candy boxes for Easter. (Which is tomorrow.)
Gene would have turned 40 today. Happy Birthday Gene.

April 24, 2011
Today is Easter, Sharlyn, Our oldest Granddaughter, called and told us she is Engaged to Ethan Davis.

April 25, 2011
My nerves are causing some physical problems, like yeast..... :\

April 26, 2011
Bishop Grua, and Lynn gave me a Priesthood blessing. Bishop Grua gave me a beautiful blessing. I don't think I have heard anyone speak to the Lord as if he was standing in the same room with us, as Bishop Grua did in my behalf.

April 29, 2011
Surgery, Mastectomy of the left breast. The radiation injections seemed to be the worst of the day.

April 30, 2011
Home from the Hospital.
Jodie and Will, Launie and Amber and Ivie, came to stay with us.
Jennifer and Mike went down to Arizona, looking for work and a new house to live in.

I feel great!

May 1, 2011
Pauli and James came after church.
Bishop Grua, Marilyn, Julia brought a gift for me. Beautiful roses, and beautiful bird. They were so kind. It was so good to see Julia again.
Launie's date spent the day with us.

Feeling very tired tonight, but still up beat.

May 2, 2011
Granddaughters wanted to spend the day with Jodie at her apartment in Provo, and would leave for Ariz from there on Tuesday.

Maralee Parkinson brought dinner for us.

May 3, 2011
Drain tube from my side has dried up??? Can not reach my Dr. She will be going out of town. I have an appointment with her on May 9th.

May 4, 2011
Pauli stayed the night, and fixed dinner for us. She read me her story as she was editing. (Pauli is such a good writer, I don't think she knows just how good she really is at writing.)
My friend, LaDean Weight, brought a treat that Lynn likes. They were great.

May 9, 2011
Follow up appointment after Surgery with Dr. Strindberg. There is cancer in the lymph node that was removed. and she said that I had two little strands in the upper part of my chest that are still there. I will need chemo therapy, and radiation treatment.
I will need to have surgery in about three weeks, to remove the limp nodes under my arm and implant a "port" just under the skin on the right side so that chemo treatment can be done through the port. This Surgery will be on the 31st of this month.

Great News, and sad news....

Great News... Baby Boy born to Jennifer and Mike this morning at 5:06 AM. Austin Ryder Maughan, 9 lb and 8 oz. at St. Marks Hospt. in Salt Lake City. Mike was so excited that the baby was finaley here. Mike even wrote "Mine" on the baby's foot, so he wouldn't get lost in the nursery or taken by another parent. So Funny! He is a beautiful baby boy.

This week I have had to take Jenny Bird to the vets. Sunday we took her to the emergentcy vets, she seemed so sick. I thought she might be egg bound, like Baby was when we almost lost her. How ever after the exray, and a shot for pain, and anti-inflamition shot, and a shot to give water. They also did a swave for bacteria and found nothing. They said to take Jenny to our regular vet the next day.

Visiting Dr. Clark, he took a blood sample, and said he wanted to put Jenny in the Hospital, as he could see she was a very sick bird. They kept her in a inkabater, gave her tube feedings, and started her on a atabotic

The Muddy Whirlpool...

I look across the way and see a whirlpool, dirty and thick as mud. slowly churning pulling everything downward. Its almost impossible to get out of, like quicksand, Every thing it touches is to be destroyed.
It turns and turns, pulling at everything, pulling downward to a bottomless pit of hate and greed, with no escape.

The best thing to do, is to turn away from it. Trying to help only brings one closer to drowning in the mud themselves.

As much as it hurts, sometimes you have to let others work their own way out of trouble.

Time often moves slowly, more so than what we want it to be.
There will be a time where everyone will answer for their actions.

Righteous Fathers, being the head of their families, have the right for us to account to them, for what we have done in this life...

A Family Shredded...

Bernard, Lynn's father has been gone for four months now. I am still in a unbelievable state. Some how his family has been shredded in half because of greed. There is a fast moving under current like jet streams, to destroy, accuse falsely, and to acquire every thing...
I almost feel like standing still with my mouth hanging open in disbelief.

The family home has mostly been cleaned out and ready for sale.... Edith, who will be 89 this month, believes that all her money has been stolen, and she has nothing. And yet she has more money coming to her each month, more than Lynn and I do together to live on. (About $5000, free of ties, to start with.) Edith also has a huge amount of hate built, and being built up inside her.

Some how family members have been turned against each other, and there is a tearing apart of family ties. One was being taken to court for extortion, and possible more charges. (that has been dropped, for now.)

Lynn comes home from Orem, where his family lives, totally exhausted just from emotions. Its hard to keep a level heart with all this going on.

Thank Heavens for a God who loves us. And teaches us Truth about this life, and that life continues past this world. And the way we live here will tell how we will live there...

Note:
Bernard and Edith have been well to do as for as money goes, owning  a business of their own for most of their lives.  Bernard had every thing set up to protect Edith and look after her while she was still living, In case he should die first, which he did. Edith would not be in want for anything.

So how was this family destroyed, right before our eyes???

I question how to protect my own family when Lynn and I die. We have very little, but I have seen families fight over nothing too.
Worldly things last only a moment of time, and then we are separated from them. They stay on this world, and we go to face Our Father in Heaven, the Creator of this World.

But a Family is Eternal, always lasting. And More Important...

Smart Youth...

Sitting in the row in front of me at Church was a very cute little girl with a big imagination. I was impress with her and how she could entertain herself.

She had been given a sandwich bag which had some snacks in it for her to eat. As she was almost finished eating, she kept one of the Gold fish crackers in her bag, sealed the plastic bag and blew at one corner, blowing up the bag. She now had a make believe aquarium, with a little fish inside.

This little fish became her friend and the two played together quietly, reading books and coloring, racing around the bag, and jumping inside the bag, and teasing her big brother.

My kids didn't have snakes during Church time, It was frowned on to have food in the Chapel during this time. That came latter on when young children had to be good for the three hours. Sometimes that is hard for little ones to do.

I had made a "Quiet Book" which had pages of activities which kept my kids busy. They seemed to like working with it. We had it for many years, and parts would have to be replaced as they would fall out and get lost.

If you make a Quiet Book it would be a good idea to make the pages so they could be removed from the book, so more than one child could use it.

I had a large set of tube paints that I used to paint the Quiet Books with. They were in a large can that had a holder for each tube to set in.
We moved from Phoenix six years ago, I don't remember packing the tube paints, or seeing them then. I wonder where they are... I sure enjoyed using them...

Shock...

I am still shaking a little over this last phone call!
Today is Sunday and it was Stake Conference for us. I have been sick for several days with a bad cold. Not the flue that is going around, but a bad cold.
I wanted to go to the Temple Thursday for Stake Temple Day. And to attend the Saturday evening Conference. I so enjoy going to both, but I was sick and couldn't go.

Tonight My Stake President called and wanted to know what happened to me as I was not at Conference....

I was Surprised that a Stake President would be aware of my attendance as I am one in several hundreds in this stake, and not a person of importance.

After catching my breath, and the feeling of Surprise, I began to feel Honored, that my Stake President was aware of me. He cared enough about me to call and see if I was alright.

I was reminded that the Lord is aware of each of us, and we are loved unconditionally. With all the thousands of people that are and have been on earth, the Lord knows each one of us personally.

I was so touched by Pres. Collings concerns for me, that I hope I will be able to do the same for someone elts that might need a spiritual hug...

Falling...Who me?...

I have always wondered why older people could fall out of bed during the night...Well I found the answer this morning as I was having a good dream and found myself falling sidewards off my bed. I was very Surprised! I also found myself in the dark and I was wedge in between the ceder chest and the mattress, as it also came off my bed. Making it impossible for me to move. I screamed for Lynn who was in the next room, but he could not hear me. I felt with my loose right hand for anything that may be on top of the ceder chest that I might use to tap on the wall. I was lucky to find a wooden bunny laying there. I was able to reach over the ceder chest and knocked on the wall which Lynn did hear. Latter I discovered there was a space of about ten inches, that was free of things to reach the wall. Some how I was able to hit that tiny space to knock on the wall. Again I was amazed by it.

Getting to my feet was not that easy either, as both of my knees are in bad shape. I feel blessed, that I had no problem landing on my hip. I am learning interesting things about our bodies and how they react to ageing. I ask myself if this is another thing I have to learn about, here on earth? Some how I wish it could be easier... at least I have a better insight to older folks when bad things happen to them. I am looking for more ways to be helpful when I can.

I feel very blessed, that nothing real bad happened to me this morning...

When I was young I remember my Aunts talking about falling out of bed, and saying how Silly they felt, that it had happened... How ever it could be a serious thing, If you could not move, or get stuck, or broke bones, and no help, one could die there, never being discovered until it was too late...

Jodie came home...

I guess Home is where I happen to be living. I have always considered Utah to be home, even though I spent 39-40 years in Arizona. Jodie, last November, decided to move to Provo Utah.

This week Lynn, David, Jodie, and myself, moved the rest of Jodie things from Lake Havasu City Arizona, to Provo Utah. The weather was extremely cold. David drove his truck,a four seating Avalanche, and had his covered trailer. The weather was snowing more than half the time, and the tempiture was extremely cold. at one time it was -3 below 0.

David drove both ways, from Springville Utah, to Lake Havasue City, and back again. While David got some sleep for driving, Lynn, Jodie, and I packed, and Tom helped. We brought back Jodie's piano, and fireplace. and other things that Jodie boxed up for travel. They also strapped Jodie's two Kiacks on top of the truck.

We left Utah on Monday, packed and left for home on Tuesday. The wind was so strong it rocked the truck. Often David and Jodie would check on the Kiakes to be sure they were secured.

We were reminded several times by Lynn that the coldest spot in Utah was Beaver. Being so cold that day, Lynn would say lets don't gas up in Beaver.
On Davids rear view mirror there is a spot that tells you what the outside tempture was. We watched it go from above 0 to -1 and -3 and back to -1. While Lynn was sleeping, we asked each other if we wanted to gas up in Beaver? as it was coming soon and Lynn had made such a point of not stopping there. We kind of snickered and decided to stop in Beaver, where Lynn would need to get out to gas up the truck.

David also got out to write down the numbers from the gas pump, and quickly jumped back into the truck exclaiming how extremely cold it was outside. Lynn climbed back into the truck and said he figured out we were in "Beaver", because he saw a advertisement paper on the counter indicating that we were in "Beaver"!

Blue Day...

I HAD ONE OF THOSE DAYS!!

Who are You?...

There is a movie called "UP". It is a animated story of a man who grows old and is lonely. In his many adventures he ties balloons on to his house and floats away to a dream spot on a mountain where there is a tall waterfall, he and his wife, who is now dead, use to dream of living there.

In this cartoon as the man is ageing he uses a chair lift to move to a different floor level in his house. My kids laughed and laughed at the thought of a chair lift. And wondered where this weired idea came from.

In the back of my mind I am at the age where chair lifts are a reality, and have been thinking that it may be something that I may need in the near future. I was surprised to see my kids laugh about it, but then again they have not been around family that has grown older.

I am almost 67, I never dreamed that getting older would happen to me, I thought I would always be the same. Life has some surprised for you as you get older.
I never dreamed I would have 2 hip replacements, and have to have 2 knee replacements coming up. With out them I would have been in a wheel chair long ago. I am still walking pretty good, after all I am considered still young...

I look in the mirror and the face that looks back at me, often scares me. my skin seems to be sagging and hanging around my mouth and chin and neck, making ugly deep wrinkles of age. I see more brown spots appearing everywhere. and the bones in my fingers and toes are twisting out of shape because of arthritis, and causing more pain.

I have never been a beauty queen, but I never thought I would lose what I did looked like. I hardly know myself now. and its hard to find ways everyday to except the way I look, and I am not done, ageing yet.

Maybe its another lesson we have to learn here, because we can't learn it after this life. And we have to know what it is like, to have compassion for others.

Some time I will be able to say "been there....done that!"...