Have you ever had a terrible pain in your stomic and can't get any relief from it no matter what you do ???
Well I do... when I don't have connection with my kids. It seems silly I know.... but they are part of me, and I have to know they are happy, or safe, or busy doing something, no matter what is happening in their life. I guess you could call it "A Mother Thing".
For Thirty seven years I have given everything I had to help my kids, it wasn't easy for me then, stumbling blocks have always been part of my path. And yet they have all grown to be wonderful people. I guess I just need to know they are safe and happy more often.
I have 6 children, 5 that are living.
One I never hear from, unless she needs something, (it may be a long time,) her dad and I are now facing retirement.
I have one, when important things are happening in her life, good or bad, she goes Invisible....for a while... Sometimes its hard to get communication started again, and you just have to wait and wait and wait.....time goes by very slowly....
The other 3 check in fairly often, even if its "I am at work, just checking in, I'll call you later..." or "read my blog....I made a new entry"...... Its just so good to hear the sound of their voice, even if its "Hi..that's all"....
I often feel the movie of the "The Mailbox" fits my life.
8 weeks ago I had Major Surgery. I didn't realize what a big thing it was, until it was over.
I was surprised to see very few of my children cared what was happening to me, or how I felt.... I felt all alone.... If it hadn't been for my visiting teacher, and Lynn, the therapist, and my vampire (nurse) I would have had no one. I guess folks have no idea, unless they have been through it themselfs.
I hope I die before Lynn does, I don't think I can handle loneliness...I am too much of a social bug...
I don't mean to get morbid, as I was saying, I am just "Venting"....I guess I grew up during a time where family depended upon family. When there was a need, family came to help out. When my daughters needed help, I and some of my daughters went to help, even when it was out of state. I guess times are changing, and it's not the way things are done in todays world.
That is a really sad thought... For service really brings love and closeness of family, closer together.
2 comments:
Your posts always have such a sad undertone to them, no matter what you're blogging about. It saddens my heart very much. You sound likek my mother. She's always given us everything, even without us asking, even when we didn't want it. We're all pretty close right now...but I tend to disappear when things are bad. I just don't want to talk to anyone, and my mother takes that personally. So for the one that disappears when life is rough...I can sympathize. It isn't that she doesn't love you. It's that she probably doesn't know how to relate to you. If things are good, she doesn't want to overwhelm you or maybe make you long for that which you don't have, and if things are bad, she doesn't want to burden you with her troubles. And sometimes, all you want is to be left alone. I'm praying.
I'm assuming your major surgery went well? I apologize I haven't been around but...well...life has been falling down around me and as I mentioned, I tend to take that time to disappear, cut off my contacts, try to pray as much as possible and just dream of disappearing altogether.
So sorry about the surgery. And all the pain in your life.
You might be interested to learn about a GREAT new and safe LDS website for sisters only, called "Our Ladies Room" at http://www.ourladiesroom.com/
Lots of super ladies on there already, and plenty of groups and forums to join and discuss a ton of issues. You might find solace among others with similar concerns.
Hope to see you there!
Oh, and I have a book contest running on my blog again, in case you want to check it out :-)
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